Carousel
by Ofi
Summary: Tomoyo puts herself on a carousel of mixed thoughts, jumbled emotions. and the ever present numb pain. In this spinning world, fantasy and reality intertwine to grant her last wish.


This is my first CCS angst story, and I have no idea how I thought this up. the ending is sorta strange *blushes* please review!!!  
  
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The world spins like a carousel. Scenery become one world tainted red by me. Amidst the dizziness and my fleeting strength there's enough of me left to be surprised. It hadn't hurt as much as I expected it too, funny because my hands were shaking so bad the cuts were a complete mess. I barely feel my body collapse the only things I can really make out are my surroundings, the smells, the woods, the cherry blossoms, all familiar things about the Tsukimine shrine. My eyelids feel heavy like my thoughts. I left a note right? Hm.I hope I did. I want to explain what I've done, the last thing I want is for my friends to hate me. I manage to move my long hair out of my face. The world comes as best as it can into focus. I'm hoping they don't find me like this, half dead, especially not Sakura. She'd think this is her fault but its not. This is all my doing, my choice. My feelings for her have changed, as we've gotten older. But I know that they will never be returned. Sakura loves Syaoran her blue prince and knight in shining armor; they belong together. Me? I no longer belong with them I've realized that I will only hurt myself more. And that's why blood flows from my wrists. I shiver though it's the middle of summer, I'm suddenly really cold. There are many other reasons why I'm doing this but I can't and don't want to think of anymore.  
  
I'm thinking about being an angel being with my mother and Nadeshiko, heaven and angel wings. Angels are supposed to be beautiful and most those that I've lost were just that. Everyone tells me that I'm beautiful but I don't think they're right. No I'm ugly I probably look hideous right now. Yue's beautiful he reminds me of an angel, I think in a way he is, when I was younger I had a bit of a crush on him. I think I may be delirious now, why is dying taking so long? I hear rustling maybe my mind is playing tricks on me.  
  
"Tomoyo?!"  
  
Azul eyes stare at me bewildered. I'm on my way to dying because it takes a moment for my mind to register the well known face. Eriol. My tongue feels thick and it takes a lot of effort to say  
  
"Don't read my mind"  
  
I'm suddenly embarrassed if Eriol knew my thoughts about Yue. I wish I would hurry up and die. My eyes see two Eriols as he takes me in his arms making the world a bit warmer. He finds my note and reads it, rocking me back and forth like a child. When he finishes he kisses my forehead. He looks so sad come to think of it I've never really seen Eriol sad, then again he could say the same about me. I finally feel my life slipping and Eriol seems to sense it too. Taking my wrist he presses two of his fingers against the wounds; a soft glow surrounds them. Slowly I feel the warmth flow back to my body and I'm let off the carousel. It finally registers that I'm very close to Eriol and he's cradling me. My heart beats a bit faster.  
  
"Why?" he asks  
  
My mouth works normally as I answer bitterly  
  
"I think you know" Sakura and Syaoran are engaged.  
  
Eriol strokes my hair and then my face gently, and even though I have the strength I don't move. He smiles and I smile back and we stay like that.  
  
The illusion fades as the walls of my fantasy melt away and the world spins and I'm thrown out of my dream. I know that what I think has just occurred, really hasn't. It was all in my mind, I'm delirious. In truth I lay in a deserted area of the Tsukimine shrine dying because my best friend is getting married and Eriol is in England with the one he loves. I sigh half in happiness half in regret. The world is a blur, of faces and places and my own thoughts. I want it to stop, and I realize how easy it is. I simply close my eyes and make it. 


End file.
